So Long 2012!

Well, we made it through 2012! I think we can safely say that 2012 was one of the most important years of our lives, with really hard times, but really wonderful and amazing times as well. Of course, getting Bethany here was our greatest challenge and blessing. It's hard for me to look back on the first half of the year. I was so sick. But I do recognize the blessings that have come into my life because of the suffering we had to experience. Our experience has changed us for better. Not only do we have a beautiful little girl, but we have a new perspective on life and a profound sense of gratitude for our health and for each other. For example, I am grateful every day that I can play with my children, sit on the floor with them, carry them, kiss owies, go places with them, change diapers, prepare their food, and just be with them. I don't mind doing laundry or dishes or preparing meals because I feel like it is such a blessing that I have the ability to serve my family when for so long they had to take care of me instead. And I feel as though Casey and I have learned to appreciate each other more than ever.

So here are a few/lot of pictures from the year. Some of the ones from when I was sick are hard, but I feel like they now constitute an important part of our family's story. Since I would like to use this blog to create a printed family book, those images are included here.

 

On Feb 17th 2012 I had my first surgery for Bethany. Emmett couldn't come in my room unsupervised or hug or kiss me. Casey would bring him in to say goodnight. This is a short video I took with my phone a few days after surgery.  I love this clip so much. I would watch it over and over again when I felt sad or lonely and it always made me feel better

My heroic mother. She arrived in the nick of time and spent her entire spring break from school taking care of Emmett and I and packing our apartment so we could move out. I don't know how she did it, especially considering how little sleep she got due to our late night talks. I know she must have been so exhausted, but it meant the world to me to have company for a while, especially during those slow late night hours. In this photo she managed to get me out of the house for the annual Easter Egg hunt at Vonnie's house while Casey worked with a friend to move our belongings into a storage unit. I loved being outside and getting to watch Emmett hunt for eggs. At the end, I was pretty tired and sore.

 

As time went on, Emmett could sometimes come sit next to me on the bed for a while if I was having a good day. We'd watch an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Elmo's World. I loved having him close to me for those few minutes!

 

While we were at Vonnie's I'd try to go upstairs sometime. They had the most wonderful comfy chair that I could sit in all day in a reclined position and yet still be around people as they went about their day to day activities. It helped to keep the loneliness at bay and pass time. Here is Casey putting Emmett to bed and reading the bedtime story in my wheel chair.

Working on this cross stitching pattern gave me something to do and helped to give me a purpose while I crossed days off of my calendar. I set a goal to finish it before Bethany was born and accomplished it with one week to spare.

Darwin wasn't allowed on my bed or in my lap, but he would still come say, "Hi"  now and then by putting his two front paws up on my knees and begging for a bit of attention.

We thought the day would never come, but it finally did! Don't be fooled by the cheerful picture, I was scared to death. If I'm at a baby shower and someone is nervous about the possibility of a c-section, I always tell them it's not so bad and not to worry about it. This is a lie. Who are we kidding? They make a large incision through your abdominal wall and yank a baby out. It's no picnic! Not that the other way is any more enjoyable-- I really don't know since I haven't experienced it-- but I remembered what it was like for Emmett and after having been in considerable amounts of pain for the last 5 months I was feeling a little worn out and not looking forward to even more of it. Also, my condition was too poor the previous day to do an amniocentesis and confirm that her lungs were fully developed, I was extremely nervous about whether or not Bethany was ready to be born and if we would do her harm by having her early at 36 weeks.

As long as I live, I never want to forget the moment that I first saw my Bethany. When Emmett was born my first glimpse of him was pictures on our camera that Casey took. This time I asked the doctor to hold my baby up before cleaning her so that I could see her as soon as she was born. Getting the spinal tap had been an extremely unpleasant ordeal for me since I'd had to turn onto my left side (something I had not been able to do for 5 months) and it took several people to force me into the correct position while I cried because it hurt so much to bend that way. As I felt the doctors tugging and pulling and working on me my anxiety continued to escalate. But then I heard that funny little cry and saw Bethany's beautiful, dark red face and her wet headful of hair poking up above the screen and the joy and relief that poored over me was overwhelming. I cried all over again, but not out of pain for once. I've never been so happy to see someone in all my life! 

 

Bethany came out a very healthy, deep shade of red. One of the nurses said she'd never seen such a perfectly pink baby before. She was 5lbs 8oz. 

As they cleaned Bethany up and continued with my surgery I started to panic again. My stomach was aching horribly as the doctors worked, Casey was gone (filming the baby) and I just kept repeating, "I don't like this. I don't like this." The anesthesiologist gave me something for my nerves to calm me down, but nothing seemed to help until they finally brought me my sweet girl and let me hold her. Once she was in my arms, everything was okay again. You aren't supposed to take videos in the operating room, but Casey broke the rules without my knowing. I thought he was just taking photos. At first I was upset, but now I'm kind of glad that he did.

Everything from this point went much better and so much easier! By that night I was up and walking around with less pain than I had experienced in months. Granted, I was on some pretty heavy pain killers, but I was surprised at how easy it was. I remember my recovery from Emmett's c-section as being agonizing, but this time I immediately felt better. Don't get me wrong, it hurt! But I'd been in a lot of pain already for a long time and having Bethany on the outside instead of the inside instantly made a difference in how I felt. Not to mention, I was considerably more cheerful and optimistic once I had a healthy baby to snuggle!

And now here come all the happy pictures!! :)

So good bye 2012! Thank you for your lessons and your blessings!